I’m sitting here listening to Danny Don’t You Know by Ninja Sex Party for the millionth time. If you haven’t heard the song, you should give it a listen. There are a few lines that always hit close to home for me but it reminded me that I was supposed to write something for Vanri. (Sorry, Vanri!)
When I was a kid, I had zero friends most of the time. There were a few people that I’d hang around but, no matter what I did, or tried, I never fit in. I never fit in to the point of relentless bullying, severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and attempts. I had a plate overflowing with shit. It was so full, so awful, so heavy that I couldn’t see the other side of it. I just imagined that this was going to be the rest of my life and who the hell wanted that.
I was into D&D, Magic: The Gathering and video games as I became a teenager, but at the time those got you bullied more. I made some friends, but nothing really changed for me. I still dreaded life nearly all the time.
Let’s fast forward because this went on into my 30s. I met Vel, we got married, and I started to figure out what I was and what I wanted to do with that. Five years ago, I kinda got mad. I liked games and I happen to be female, but I couldn’t find myself being represented anywhere. So I, metaphorically, kicked down my first door and said, “Alright, bitches, who wants to form Real Women of Gaming.”
I didn’t see us past a Facebook page, but something amazing happened. Here were people that (most knew me, some didn’t) were listening, supporting some ideas I had, investing themselves in this thing I started. This amazing group of people that were uplifting. This is My Tribe.
All of the things I was bullied for when I was young were now helping me kick down doors and expand this amazing thing. Being loud, excitable, talking about literally anything to anyone. Overweight, mental health, video games, nerd stuff. Everything that I really am helps me and these amazing people helped me find that and show the world that I’m an amazing person.
I get to spend nights laughing while playing Creativerse, Stardew Valley, Gears of War. I plan parties around board games and amazing new foods that my friends bring over. I make new friends that I’m excited to find because we both love specific games. These are things I look forward to. This is my crazy awesome wonderful life.
Now I will side note, that doesn’t mean that I don’t suffer from depression, anxiety and a host of other issues. Those are chemical imbalances in my brain that I am in therapy for, and I take daily medication. The support of my friends, of our fans, helped me get into therapy, helped me ask for medication. They helped me seek the appropriate help I needed to work on a healthier me. Life is no longer unbearable, it’s amazing and I am blessed.
The You’re Not Alone Anti-Bullying Fundraiser was on July 21st and we raised $1,075 for PACER’s Bullying Prevention Center.